You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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