Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
