Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
