Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
