yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we're so committed to being not committed
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