I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
