i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
