$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
