Don't make out with my wife yet
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Even my vagina gasped.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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