You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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