She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
