i think my tv is drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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