The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
