conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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