I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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