i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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