How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
