not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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