Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
