where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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