you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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