do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
