Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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