oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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