Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is Oprah even human
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
