she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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