is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
