How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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