I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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