after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
