I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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