Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
