I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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