stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
