so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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