you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
