ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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