You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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