your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
