Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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