just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
