We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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