Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
