u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
