Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
