Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
