The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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