remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
