Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
