I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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