yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
