I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
