you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
