They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunk is not a location!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
