I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
