I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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