then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
