"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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