I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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