I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
