I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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