Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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