I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
