i love accidental penises.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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