I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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