he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
