at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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