Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
