Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
