You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
