Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
