Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
