I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize