I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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