I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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