Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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