I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
