I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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