it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
