Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
