My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
