It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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